Monday 28th of September 2020

conjuring the spirit of françois-marie arouet on the wedgie board...

voltaireAs loony cartoonists, we have to ask what would great thinkers, such as Voltaire, Freud, Einstein, Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Marx and others, make of the present corona19-situation… 

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

                ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Don't try to add more years to your life. Better add more life to your years.

Most of man's trouble comes from his inability to be still.

             — Blaise Pascal

Natural science will in time incorporate into itself the science of man, just as the science of man will incorporate into itself natural science: there will be one science. 

              — Karl Marx

If there’s life on other planets, then the earth is the Universe’s insane asylum.

The more often a stupidity is repeated, the more it gets the appearance of wisdom.


               — Voltaire

The first panacea for a mismanaged nation is inflation of the currency; the second is war. Both bring a temporary prosperity; both bring a permanent ruin. But both are the refuge of political and economic opportunists. 
        — Ernest Hemingway

So It seems we have declared war against a virus and because inflation of currency has levelled to about zero, the mismanagement of this moment is to confine people into isolation so they don't touch anything — for opportunism to flourish where we, the plebs, cannot be. "Stay at home saves lives". Yep.

We are mere mortals, and the fear of god has now been replaced by the fear of the coronavirus.
           — Gus Leonisky

Yes, we have to ask questions. Why would the scientific community be part of what could appear as — and is? — a fascist conspiracy to finally destroy freedom? So far not even terrorism has made a dent in our freedom-seeking despite draconian laws that are designed to listen to your every farts from your smartphone? The more the screws were turned on our thumbs, the more we fought for freedom, unless we were spaced-out bogans who thought these laws were protecting their barbecue rituals — or priests protecting the sanctity of confession, which they use as a psychological weapon to squeeze obedience from their parishioners (or play with kid's genitals)...

So were and are the sciences, via doctors and researchers of life's mechanics trying to save people from dying? According to statistics, the same number of people will get sick and will die, whatever we do to the "curve"… Are they trying to prevent hospitals to be swamped with large numbers of pneumonia and dying oldies? We can buy this one because we are used to see graphs from the weather reports and the economic stock-market round ups in which the lemmings count a lot for change. Really, we could quickly find a few circus tents somewhere and sort out the bed shortage in a jiffy by bending a few tubes and recycling old foams. For a satirist, now turning into a sarcastic cartoonist, the answer has to be somewhere else — and it could be staring us in the face: 

Scientists could not get our governments to abide to the necessarily drastic global warming demands. With the coronavirus, sciences have placed governments in an irrevocable position to impose a major shut down of our economic follies. What the fear of god (an old furphy) and the fear of the planet warming up beyond belief (a stark reality) could not do, the fear of the virus is achieving with extraordinary nous

Brilliant ! Flattening the curve and isolationing has changed the game… When we wake up from this phase 2 nightmare, we might be able to cleverly restart the economic engine slowly with solar panels and windmills and hydrogen storage.

I guess the Chinese realised that Trump was stuffing up their trading ability. Meanwhile, their factories were spewing far too much pollution killing far more people than a coronavirus — in order to supply the West with obsolescence-included plastic toys. An accidental opportunity, probably supplied by the US military, came along.

You know the rest. I know nothin'.
GL.

all is best in the best of the world...

 


A nation may lose its liberties in a day and not miss them in a century.


       — Montesquieu




… Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance. 

Generosity is nothing else than a craze to possess. All which I abandon, all which I give, I enjoy in a higher manner through the fact that I give it away. To give is to enjoy possessively the object which one gives.


       — Jean-Paul Sartre



People can die of mere imagination.

        — Geoffrey Chaucer


The reason the Romans built their great paved highways was because they had such inconvenient footwear. 
        — Montesquieu



I do not believe it. I can’t believe that the baron de Montesquieu, Charles-Louis de Secondat, wrote something so frivolous. Only https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/montesquieu-quotes could publish it… I don’t know… Never mind. Unless...

Trying to walk on a Roman paved highway with sandals would lead to the invention of a better chariot. And we have been relentless ever since. Bigger cathedrals were the go until the tallest ones became unstable. Cannon balls could destroy the thickest of forts. The industrial revolution brought a better life for some, though the workers got screwed until they unionised or got the gold rush fever. A few years later, unionised workers were replaced by machines — and scab labour, known these days as contractors and casuals. The times of Jack Mundey’s green bans have vanished, and the history of a nation and its heritage is now in the hands of council vandals. 

The great Covid19 era has flattened the revolution. The machines and their operators have won. We have entered the short lived epoch of “necessary” supervisors, bean-counters and managers, while the rich own the lot — until the rich forgo of these last humans by replacing them with automated bean-counting and self-determinating drones. Government are superfluous. 

The Coronavirus makes sure everyone dies at home — except the rich who, still human, die from liver cirrhosis by drinking too much champagne or by suffering a killer envy of the other rich dudes. This is the way the planet of human dies. No trumpets, no angels, no demons. The animals unable to learn anything from all this let the tools of civilisation perish under the weeds.

And all is best in the best of the world. 

great thinkers of the world unite!...

 

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” 


“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” 


“When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.” 

“If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” 


            ― Albert Einstein


“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” 
(Delusional bullshit says Gus)

“Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.” 

“In so doing, the idea forces itself upon him that religion is comparable to a childhood neurosis, and he is optimistic enough to suppose that mankind will surmount this neurotic phase, just as so many children grow out of their similar neurosis.” 

               ― Sigmund Freud


“I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea.” 

“Talking nonsense is the sole privilege mankind possesses over the other organisms. It's by talking nonsense that one gets to the truth! I talk nonsense, therefore I'm human” 


“But how could you live and have no story to tell?” 

             ― Fyodor Dostoevsky,


A man can be himself only so long as he is alone, and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom, for it is only when he is alone that he is really free. 

The difficulty is to try and teach the multitude that something can be true and untrue at the same time.


In the sphere of thought, absurdity and perversity remain the masters of the world, and their dominion is suspended only for brief periods.


               — Arthur Schopenhauer



Bart: Look in my eyes. See the conviction? See the sincerity? See the fear? As God is my witness, I can pass the fourth grade!

Homer: And if you don’t, at least you’ll be bigger than the other kids.




                  — The Simpsons

the imperial order perpetuated by the western hegemony...

 

Feudal Japan Edo and the US Empire

 

By Hiroyuki Hamada

 

....

First, we must recognize that there is an industry that commodifies “dissenting voices”. The people who engage in this have no intention of examining the exploitive mechanism of capitalist hierarchy. Some of them typically chose topics of government wrongdoings in contexts of fascist ideologies (jews are taking over the world, for example), space aliens and so on. The angles are calibrated to keep serious inquiries away but they nonetheless garner major followings.

When certain topics fall into their hands, discussing them can become tediously unproductive as it prompts a label “conspiracy”. It also contributes in herding dissidents toward fascist ideology while keeping them away from understanding actual social structure.

The second point is related to the first, when the topic enters the realm of “conspiracy”, and when we lose means to confirm facts, many of us experience cognitive dissonance. The unspoken fear of the system becomes bigger than any of the topics at hand, and some of us shut down our thought process. As a result, we are left with hopelessness, cynicism and complacency. This is a major tool of the system of extortion. It makes some of us say “if there is a President who tries to overthrow capitalism, he or she will be assassinated”. 

Such a statement illustrates the fact that understanding of the violent system, fear and complacency can firmly exist in people’s minds without openly admitting to it. 

Third, aside from the unspoken fear toward the destructive system, there is also unspoken recognition that the system is inherently unsustainable to itself and to its environment. The cultish faith in capitalist framework is upheld by myths of white supremacy, American exceptionalism and most of all by our structural participation to it.

Any cult with an unsustainable trajectory eventually faces its doomsday phase. It desires a demise of everything, which allows cultists to avoid facing the nature of the cult. It allows them to fantasize a rebirth. This, in turn, allows the system to utilize a catastrophic crisis as a springboard to shift its course while implementing draconian measures to prop itself up. “The time of survival” normalizes the atrocity of structural violence in reinforcing the hierarchical order, while those with relative social privilege secretly rejoice the arrival of “the end”.

Any of those three dynamics can be actively utilized by those who are determined to manipulate and control the population.

Now, there is another interesting coincidence with the Japanese history. The title Shogun had been a figurehead status given by the imperial family of Japan long before the Edo period. Shogun is a short version of Seiitaishogun, which can be translated as Commander-in-Chief of the Expeditionary Force Against the Barbarians. The title indicates the nature of the trajectory more bluntly than the US presidency which is also Commander in Chief–which has engaged in numerous colonial expeditions over the generations.

But as I mentioned above, the Edo period was not a time of fighting “barbarians”, it was a time of a closed feudal system and its hierarchy was strictly controlled by its customs and regulations. The current trajectory of our time prompts one to suspect that the inevitable path to be a similar one.

Our thoughts and ideas have been already controlled by capitalist framework for generations. We knowingly and unknowingly participate in this hostage taking extortion structure. While shaken by crisis after crisis, we have gone through waves of changes, which have implemented rigid social restrictions against our ability to see through lies and rise above the feudal order of money and violence. 

I must say that I do understand that above discussion is very much generalized. One can certainly argue against validity of the parallel based on historical facts and contexts. Some might also argue that Edo period to be far more humane on some regards, in terms of how people related to their natural surroundings, or the system being actually sustainable, for instance. But I believe that my main points still stand as valid and worthy of serious considerations.

Also, it is not my intention to label, demean and demonize policy makers of our time in cynical manner. My intention is to put the matter as a topic of discussion among those who are concerned in a constructive manner. The comparison was used as a device for us to step back from our time and space in evaluating our species’ path today.

Lastly, as I describe the historical trajectory of the US empire, one can not not examine the nature of the current coronavirus situation. Although the event is still very much developing some of us have already raised many questions. This article is from a Chinese state media outlet repeating some questions regarding the origin of the Coronavirus. The questions are serious ones which can easily topple entire official US narratives on the matter and beyond.

If the illness has originated from the US military facility as it has been concluded by some, and the US has covered it up and blamed the illness on China, the US didn’t only exposed its own citizens to the virus, but it knowingly caused deaths and sufferings among its own people. It erroneously blamed China for not acting fast enough against the situation, while adding the coronavirus deaths to the US annual flu deaths—which is always high due to its dysfunctional healthcare system.

According to the allegations, some elected officials might have even profited from this murderous situation. 

Subsequently, it stands to reason to question what has motivated the US to act in such a drastic manner against the virus after knowingly tolerating the deaths being caused by the virus for a few months.

Some points to keep in mind are:

 

  1. A social crisis exacerbates structural violence against already oppressed population leading to augmentation of ruling class interests.
  2. A crisis allows bailout measures for those who are already being served by the system generously.
  3. A crisis allows codification of draconian policies to further restrict already oppressed population.
  4. A crisis justifies the existence of the authoritarian system.
  5. All of the above are various aspects of capitalist hierarchy to serve itself by harming its own people. 

 

Please also refer to articles by Cory Morningstar on the topic. 

When a crisis situation is identified in mobilizing the population, one common technique to contain dissenting voices is a use of false equivalency. For example, in discussing the US imperial war against Syria, one might have said that Russia was bombing just like the US. 

However, needless to say, Russia was invited by Syrian government to fight West backed al-Qaeda affiliated terrorist groups in Syria. The liberation efforts by the Syrian Arab Army and its allies brought back Syrian people to their own communities which were devastated by the US proxy war against Syria. 

Instances of falsely equating actions by the Chinese government and that of the US government must be pointed out in discussing the virus situation. Chinese government detecting a disease epidemic so that it can allocate sufficient medical care to its people is very different from the US totally ignoring medical threats regularly and suddenly decides to “care” in aimlessly draconian ways. 

This Facebook post by Phil Greaves concisely lays out the differences. The post refers to Britain but it also applies to the US.

 

China:

  • Lockdowns in only the most affected areas.
  • Quarantine and hospital treatment for ALL suspected cases.
  • Masks provided for everyone, no “two-meter” bullshit.
  • 200 million CPC members & volunteers mobilised to serve the elderly & vulnerable with food and medicine.
  • ALL wages paid in full for anyone off work due to the virus, for the entire duration.

95% production regained after 4 weeks.

Britain:

  • Nationwide house-arrest.
  • Shuts down nearly the entire economy, sacks millions of workers, does not guarantee pay for even half of them.
  • Gives the banks hundreds of billions.
  • Massively reduces healthcare capacity.
  • Allows supermarket chains to exploit panic buyers.

Economic depression inevitable.

 

It is also very different for the Chinese government to regulate circulation of false information in order to implement its policies effectively from the US censoring legitimate questions about its ineffective policies and its active policies to harm its own people and “others”.

The differences in the approach of the two countries toward the peoples across the globe during this time of crisis are also very clear. While China is reaching out to other countries to help their struggles — sending medical equipment and experts to those countries, the US is actively punishing some of the hardest-hit countries with trade sanction, trade embargo and demonization campaigns against them. 

Corona panic incident is yet another milestone in clearly marking inhumanity of the imperial order perpetuated by the western hegemony.

 

 

Read more:

https://off-guardian.org/2020/04/06/feudal-japan-edo-and-the-us-empire/

 

Read from top.

a new beginning...

alternative theorists...

it is quite amusing to hear or read "experts", especially in the professorial sheep-herding philosophy department of such and such university bashing "conspiracy theorists" and see or hear "serious" journalist nod in mutual admiration agreement... Yes anyone presenting a different view to that of the general mediocre media in lock-step with governments and their experts will be deemed a "conspiracy theorist".

 

Voltaire would be appalled... But these government philosophers absolutists want us to swallow the hook, line and sinker. The facts are... 

 

The facts are, we — and no-one — can verify the origin of the coronavirus. Though Chinese and world experts tell us it is not "man-made", we will have to wait at least 50 years to get a fix on this. The facts are there are "labs" (the sheep don't like us mentioning these) that have been created a) to deal with finding counter-pathogen substances and vaccines and b) to actually manufacture/modify biological virus and bacterias for warfare. They do exist. These are the fact. That none of these labs (a or b) have been effectual in fighting the Covid19 should be a major question — and that the only way to fight such virus has been isolation and destruction of economic system should also be a major question.

 

Asking these questions do not make us conspiracy theorists in the pejorative manner. We need to stay alert in regard to governments who for the past 50 years have been bullshitting us. The height of such bullshit was in regard to Saddam's weapons of mass destruction, a bullshit that most mediocre media was spreading on toasts every day.

 

The ScoMo Government has been bullshitting us on Sport Rorts and many other issues, while now grandstanding with the "truth" about Covid19... Covid19 is real. Sure. But dealing with it is a relative manner that demands smart understanding not just a sledgehammer... that will profit a few geezers... The governments have to know the tricks of the tricksters.

 

Voltaire did.

a chain of events in the best of the worlds...


Voltaire's Candide (extracts). Translation by Jules Letambour.


There was in Westphalia, in the castle of M. le Baron de Thunder-ten-tronckh, a young boy to whom nature had given the sweetest manners. His physiology betrayed his spirit. He had a fairly upright judgment, with the simplest mind; it is, I believe, for this reason that he was called Candide. The old servants of the house suspected that he was the son of the baron's sister and of a good and honest gentleman in the neighbourhood whom this young lady never wanted to marry because he had been able to prove only seventy-one quarters of nobility, and that the rest of his family tree had been lost through the damage of time.

Monsieur le Baron was one of the most powerful lords of Westphalia, because his castle had a door and windows. Its very large main room was decorated with a tapestry. All the dogs in his backyards made up a  hungry pack; his horse-grooms were his biters; the vicar of the village was his grand chaplain. They all called him Monseigneur, and they laughed when he was telling stories.

Madame la Baroness, who weighed about three hundred and fifty pounds, was thus greatly regarded, and did the honours of the house with a dignity which made her still more respectable. Her seventeen-year-old daughter Cunégonde was colorful, fresh, plump, and appetising. The baron's son appeared in worthy of his father. The tutor Pangloss was the oracle of the house, and little Candide listened to his lessons with all the good faith of his age and his character.

Pangloss taught metaphysico-theologo-cosmolo-nigology. He proved admirably that there is no effect without cause, and that, in this best of all possible worlds, the castle of Monsignor le Baron was the most beautiful of the castles, and Madame the best of the baronesses possible.

"It has been shown," he said, "that things cannot be otherwise: because everything being done for an end, everything is necessarily for the best end." Note that the noses were made to wear glasses; so we have glasses. The legs are visibly instituted to be put on, and we have put on. The stones were formed to be cut and to make castles; also Monsignor has a very fine chateau: the greatest baron in the province must be the best housed; and pigs are made to be eaten, we eat pork all year round. Consequently, those who have argued that everything is good have said something stupid: it had to be said that everything is at its best. “

Candide listened attentively, and believed innocently: for he found Miss Cunégonde extremely beautiful, although he never took the boldness to tell her. He concluded that after the happiness of being born baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, the second degree of happiness was to be Miss Cunégonde; the third, to see her every day; and the fourth, to hear Master Pangloss, the greatest philosopher in the province, and therefore of all the earth.

One day, Cunégonde, while walking near the castle, in the small wood that was called park, saw among the undergrowth Doctor Pangloss who was giving a lesson in experimental physics to his mother's maid, a very pretty little brunette and very docile. As Mademoiselle Cunégonde had a great deal of disposition for the sciences, she observed, without breathing, the repetitive experiences of which she was witness; she clearly saw the sufficient reason of the doctor, the effects and the causes, and turned back all agitated, all pensive, all filled with the desire to be taught, thinking that she might well be the sufficient reason for the young Candid, who could also be hers.

She met Candide on returning to the chateau, and blushed; Candide blushes too. She says hello in a broken voice; and Candide spoke to her without knowing what he was saying. The next day, after dinner, as we were leaving the table, Cunégonde and Candide found themselves behind a screen; Cunégonde dropped her handkerchief, Candide picked it up; she innocently took his hand; the young man innocently kissed the young lady's hand with a liveliness, a sensitivity, a very particular grace; their mouths met, their eyes caught fire, their knees trembled, their hands went astray. The baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh passed near the screen, and seeing this cause and effect, threw Candide out of the chateau with great kicks in the rear. Cunégonde passed out: and as soon as she recomposed herself, she was hit on the face by Madame la Baronne, and everything was dismayed in the most beautiful and pleasant of castles possible.



CHAPTER II.

which sees candid among the Bulgarians.


Candide, driven out of the terrestrial paradise, walked a long time without knowing where, crying, raising the eyes to the sky, turning them often towards the most beautiful of the castles which contained the most beautiful of the baronnettes; he lay down without supper in the middle of the fields between two furrows; the snow was falling in big flakes. Candide, very cold, dragged himself the next day towards the neighbouring town, which is called Valdberghoff-trarbk-dikdorff, having no money, dying of hunger and weariness. He stopped sadly at the door of a cabaret. 

Two men dressed in blue noticed it: “Comrade, says one, here is a young man, very well made, and who has the required size; they advanced towards Candide, and asked him to dine very civilly. 

- Gentlemen, said Candide with charming modesty, you do me a lot of honour  but I don't have enough to pay my money. 

- Ah! sir, said one of the blues, people of your figure and of your merit never pay anything: are you not five feet five inches tall? 

- Yes, gentlemen, it's my size, he said curtsying. 

- Ah! sir, sit down to table; not only will we pay you, but we will never suffer that a man like you is short of money; men are only made to help one another. "You are right," said Candide; that's what Mr. Pangloss has always told me, and I can see that everything is for the best. "We ask him to accept a few crowns, he takes them and wants to make his ticket; we don't want it, we sit at the table. "Don't you love tenderly? ... - Oh! yes, he replies, I love Miss Cunégonde dearly. 

- No, said one of these gentlemen, we ask you if you don't love the King of the Bulgarians tenderly? 

- Not at all, he said, because I've never seen him. 

- How? 'Or' What ! he’s the most charming of kings, and you have to drink to his health. 

- Oh! very gladly, gentlemen. And he drinks. "Enough is enough," he is told, "you have the support, the support, the defender, the hero of the Bulgarians; your fortune is made, and your glory is assured. Irons are immediately put on his feet, and he is led to the regiment. We make him turn to the right, to the left, raise the wand, put back the wand, lie down, shoot, double the pace, and give him thirty strokes with the stick; the next day, he does the exercise a little less badly, and he only receives twenty strokes; two days later, he was given only ten, and he was regarded by his comrades as a prodigy.

Candide, quite stunned, did not yet see how he was a hero. One fine spring day, he thought of going for a walk, walking straight ahead, believing that it was a privilege of the human race, like the animal race, to use his legs to his pleasure. It would not have been two leagues that there are four other six-foot heroes who catch him, who bind him, who lead him into a dungeon. He was legally asked what he liked best to be lambasted thirty-six times by the whole regiment, or to receive twelve bullets at once in the brain. He may say that the wills are free, and that he did not want either, he had to make a choice: he determined, by virtue of the gift of God called freedom, to spend thirty-six times by the chopsticks; he wiped two walks. 

The regiment was made up of two thousand men; that made up for him four thousand wands, which, from the nape of the neck to the ass, exposed his muscles and nerves. As we were about to proceed to the third race, Candide, unable to bear it any longer, asked in grace that we would be so kind as to break his head; he obtained this favour; they blindfold him; we make him kneel. 

The king of the Bulgarians passes at this moment, inquires about the crime of the patient; and as this king had a great genius, he understood, by all that he learned from Candide, that he was a young metaphysician very ignorant of the things of this world, and he granted him his grace with clemency which will be praised in all newspapers and in all centuries. A brave surgeon cures Candide in three weeks with the emollients taught by Dioscorides. He already had a bit of skin, and could walk, when the king of the Bulgarians fought the king of the Abares.


CHAPTER III.

how Candide escaped from the Bulgarians, and what became of him.


Nothing was so beautiful, so nimble, so brilliant, so well ordered as the two armies. Trumpets, fifes, oboes, drums, cannons, formed a harmony such as there was never in hell. The guns first knocked down about six thousand men on each side; then the musketry removed from the best of worlds about nine to ten thousand rascals who infected the surface. The bayonet was also the sufficient reason for the death of a few thousand men. The whole thing could well amount to around thirty thousand souls. Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as best he could during this heroic butchery.


Etc…. Eventually Candide finds himself back at the Baron Castle...
…………….


CHAPTER XXX.

Conclusion.

Candide, in the bottom of his heart, had no desire to marry Cunégonde; but the baron's extreme impertinence determined him to conclude the marriage, and Cunégonde urged him so strongly that he could not get away from it. He consulted Pangloss, Martin, and the faithful Cacambo. Pangloss made a fine memoir in which he proved that the baron had no right over his sister, and that she could, according to all the laws of the empire, marry Candide with the left hand. 

Martin concludes to throw the baron into the sea; Cacambo decided that he should be returned to the Levanti chief, and be returned to the gallows, after which he would be sent to the General of Rome by the first vessel. The opinion was found very sound; the old woman approved it; we don't say anything to his sister; the thing was carried out for some money, and they had the pleasure of catching a Jesuit, and to punish a German baron’s pride.

It was only natural to imagine that after so many disasters, Candide, married to his mistress and living with the philosopher Pangloss, the philosopher Martin, the prudent Cacambo, and the old woman, having brought back so many diamonds from the motherland of the ancient Incas, would lead the most pleasant life in the world; but he was so misled by the Jews that he had nothing left but his small farm; his wife, becoming uglier every day, became sour and unbearable; the old woman was crippled, and was still in a worse mood than Cunégonde. Cacambo, who worked in the garden, and who was selling vegetables in Constantinople, was overworked and cursed his destiny. Pangloss was in despair at not shining in some university in Germany. For Martin, he firmly believed that one is also bad everywhere; he was taking things patiently. Candide, Martin, and Pangloss sometimes disputed metaphysics and ethics.

We often saw passing under the windows of the farmhouse boats laden with effendis, bachas, cadis, which we sent into exile to Lemnos, Mytilene, Erzeroum; we saw other cadis coming, other bachas, other effendis, who took the place of the expelled, and who were expelled in their turn; we could see properly stuffed heads that we were going to present at the sublime Porte. These shows redoubled the dissertations; and when they were not arguing, the boredom was so excessive, that the old woman dared one day to say to them: "I would like to know which is the worst, to be raped a hundred times by black pirates, to have a buttock cut off, to be beaten by the sticks of the Bulgarians, to be whipped and hanged in an inquisition punishment, to be dissected, to row in a slave ship, to finally experience all the miseries that we have all gone through, or else to stay here doing nothing? 

- It's a big question, "said Candide.

This speech gave birth to new reflections, and Martin above all concluded that the man was born to live in the convulsions of angst, or in the lethargy of boredom. Candide did not agree, but he expressed nothing. Pangloss admitted that he had always suffered horribly; but having once maintained that everything was going well, he still supported it, and believed nothing of it.

One thing confirmed Martin in his abhorrent principles, making Candide hesitate more than ever, and embarrassing Pangloss. It is that they saw one day approach in their farmhouse Paquette and Brother Giroflée, who were in the most extreme misery; they had quickly spent their three thousand dollars, left, mended, scrambled, been put in prison; fled, and finally Brother Giroflée became Turkish. Paquette continued her trade [At the beginning of the novel, Paquette is the chambermaid of Cunégonde’s mother. She has an affair with Pangloss and gives him syphilis. She eventually turns to prostitution to support herself] everywhere, and gained nothing more. "I had foreseen it," said Martin to Candide, "that your presents would soon be dissipated and would only make them more miserable. You have been gifted millions of dollars, you and Cacambo, you are no happier than Brother Giroflée and Paquette. - Ah! ah! said Pangloss to Paquette, "Heaven brings you back here among us." My poor child! do you know that you cost me the tip of the nose, an eye, and an ear? How you are done! eh! what is this world! This new adventure urged them to philosophise more than ever.

There was in the neighbourhood a very famous Imam who passed for the best philosopher of Turkey; they went to consult him; Pangloss spoke up and said, "Master, we are asking you to tell us why such a strange animal as man was formed. 

- What are you getting involved in? said the Imam to him; is this your business? "But, my reverend father," said Candide, "there is horrible evil on earth. 

 - What does it matter, said the Imam, whether there is evil or good? When His Highness sends a ship to Egypt, does it bother if the mice that are in the ship are comfortable or not? 

- So what should we do? said Pangloss.

- Shut up, said the Imam. 

- I flattered myself, said Pangloss, to reason a little with you about the effects and causes, of the best of all possible worlds, of the origin of evil, of the nature of the soul, and of the pre-established harmony. The Imam, at these words, closed the door to them.

During this conversation, news had spread that two viziers from the bench and the mufti had just been strangled in Constantinople, and that several of their friends had been impaled. This catastrophe made a great noise everywhere for a few hours. Pangloss, Candide, and Martin, on their way back to the small farmhouse, met a good old man who was taking a drink in front of his doorstep under a cradle of orange trees. Pangloss, who was as curious as a reasoner, asked him what was the name of the mufti who had just been strangled. "I don't know," replied the man; and I never knew the name of any mufti or vizier. I absolutely ignore the adventure you tell me about; I presume that in general those who meddle in public affairs sometimes perish miserably, and that they deserve it; so I never find out what we are doing in Constantinople; I just send the fruit from the garden I grow there to sell. Having said these words, he brought the strangers into his house; his two daughters and two sons presented them with several kinds of sherbets which they made themselves, kaimak sprinkled with candied citron peel, oranges, lemons, silts, pineapples, dates, pistachios, Moka coffee which was not mixed with the bad coffee from Batavia and the islands. After which the two daughters of this good Muslim perfumed the beards of Candide, Pangloss, and Martin.

"You must have," said Candide to the Turk, "a vast and magnificent land?" - I only have twenty acres, replied the Turk; I cultivate them with my children; work takes away from us three great evils, boredom, vice, and need. “

Candide, returning to his farm, made deep reflections on the Turk's speech. He said to Pangloss and Martin: "This good old man seems to me to have done a lot better for himself than that of the six kings with whom we had the honour to have supper. "Greatness," said Pangloss, "is very dangerous, according to the report of all philosophers; for finally Eglon, king of the Moabites, was assassinated by Aod; Absalon was hung by the hair and pierced with three darts; King Nadab, son of Jeroboam, was killed by Baasa; King Ela, through Zambri; Ochosias, by Jehu; Athalie, by Joïada; the kings Joachim, Jéchonias, Zédécias, were slaves. You know how Peresus, Astyagus, Darius, Dionysius of Syracuse, Pyrrhus, Perseus, Annibal, Jugurtha, Ariovistus, Caesar, Pompey, Nero, Othon, Vitellius, Domitian, Richard II of England, Edward II, Henry VI, Richard III, perished , Marie Stuart, Charles I, the three Henri of France, the emperor Henri IV? You know … 

- I also know, said Candide, that we have to cultivate our garden. "You are right," said Pangloss; for when the man was put in the Garden of Eden, he was put there ut operaretur eum [to serve Him], so that he could work: which proves that the man was not born for rest. "Let us work without reasoning," said Martin; it’s the only way to make life bearable. "

This whole small society entered into this laudable project; everyone began to exercise their talents. The little land brought in a lot. Cunégonde was, in truth, very ugly; but she became an excellent pastry cook; Paquette embroided;  the old woman took care of the linen. Even Giroflée helped; he was a very good carpenter, and eventually became an honest man; and Pangloss would sometimes say to Candide: "All events are chained in the best of all possible worlds: because after all if you had not been chased from a beautiful castle with great kicks in the behind for the love of Mlle Cunégonde, if you had not been put through the Inquisition, if you had not run America on foot, if you had not given the baron a good stroke from your sword, if you had not lost all your sheep from the good country of Eldorado, you would not be eating candied lemons and pistachio nuts here now. "It is well said," replied Candide, "but we must cultivate our garden.”


FIN DE CANDIDE.
(The end)


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